Suicide

Lynnette Schow Savage

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

I have really struggled over the last few years with life in general. It started about 3 years ago when Rod got laid off and I was pregnant with my son. Seemed like everything started to go wrong. My son was born and was really sick, we didn't kow if he was going to live or die for over a week, Rod got laid off again, we moved back to Utah Rod leaving his engineering background behind him and got into the mortgage industry, that went sour, I got a job working nights to help out financially, I got really sick, we almost lost our house. When things seemed like I just could not keep going Rod got an excellent job offer back in his engineering field. He was to start his new job July 28th, 2008. We really felt blessed after everything we'd been through. What happened next put all of our struggles into perspective.

My little brother Derek suffered for years from a drug and alcohol addiction. After he finished 3 months of rehab he came to live with us for a short time. He decided to move out and be on his own, which looking back on his mental state I wish we would have pushed harder to have him stay with us. On July 26th, 2008 he took his own life, leaving a letter letting us know he just couldn't keep going. We've all wondered (and still wonder) what we could have done differently, if we could have saved his life. My sister-in-law sent this story that fits Derek so perfectly. I hope it can help someone else going through similar trials. It is not from an LDS person, but I think this guy was truly inspired.

"Our friend died on his own battlefield. He was killed in action fighting a civil war. He fought against adversaries that were as real to him as his casket is real to us. They were powerful adversaries. They took toll of his energies and endurance. They exhausted the last vestiges of his courage and his strength. At last these adversaries overwhelmed him. And it appeared that he had lost the war. But did he? I see a host of victories that he has won!
"For one thing - he has won our admiration - because even if he lost the war, we give him credit for his bravery on the battlefield. And we give him credit for the courage and pride and hope that he used as his weapons as long as he could. We shall remember not his death, but his daily victories gained through his kindnesses and thoughtfulness, through his love for his family and friends...for all things beautiful, lovely, and honorable. We shall remember not his last day of defeat, but we shall remember the many days that he was victorious over overwhelming odds. We shall remember not the years we thought he had left, but the intensity with which he lived the years that he had. Only God knows what this child of His suffered in the silent skirmishes that took place in his soul. But our consolation is that God does know, and understands."

There are many people who believe suicide is the same as murder and that you can not be forgiven for it. I just don't think our Heavenly Father would take someone who was so sick and punish them for it. I look at Derek as being just as sick as someone with terminal cancer. He fought like crazy trying to overcome his addiction and lost his battle. I am so grateful for our knowledge of the afterlife and to know that Derek is now in a place that he can get the help he needs and finally overcome his addiction. 


-Lynnette Schow Savage